Conflict — this reason is often quoted by people in a divorce. Not only celebrities who can be suspected that they just do not want to disclose the true state of Affairs. Ordinary people are also often unable to explain what was the catalyst of destruction: like no one cheated, ran with a lot of money to the neighboring country, he does not drink or beat. But accumulated. We believe that this should not be the case, and we know how not to bring the matter to “insurmountable contradictions” (on the contrary — live in perfect harmony).
Say “Thank you” to each other
We are all brought up in the paradigm of “Praise can be anyone, but who will tell you the truth”, and we are happy to tell the truth about shortcomings, punctures, non-successes. And very, very rarely do we praise each other — we believe that there is no reason: well, do not tell him for the hundredth time that he is good, just because he took the child from kindergarten, and she-that she is super, as washed the oven. We take for granted that we have prepared Breakfast, met by car at work, washed shirts-and in vain. Another person does for us what he does, not because he owes us, but because he wants to do something nice. That’s a compliment or at least “Thank you”.
Everything you think is important. Would you like your husband to congratulate you on Valentine’s day? Tell him about it. You need a housekeeper? Discuss with him. Not hinted, not give examples of friends, do not expect that he will know it because “was it really hard to understand?” (с). Of course, difficult. Any other person, even the closest, is not you. He may not guess what you mean by saying, “how cool, in America, even in schools celebrate Valentine’s Day”. And he/she hasn`t to guess. Say exactly what you want in words.
Don`t play on guilt trip
Using the scheme “I was offended and you should guess why” as a lever for manipulation. It`s the most destructive thing that can happen to relationships. To live in a state of guilt and the need to constantly justify it (sometimes, if the other side plays mum, not knowing for what) — very tiring. And pretty fast.
Say “I love you”
Don’t neglect these words, using the wording from the old joke: “I told you, if anything changes I’ll let you know”. It’s not new information from the morning paper. It’s a small release of oxytocin. It`s a hormone that holds all relationships. “I love you” — words that make us think – “we”, and rejoice in this.
Even if you met 13 years ago, you live together 12, married 10, and you have three charming children. Of course, you are close people, friends, interlocutors and parents, all this is wonderful. But sex is important, and time spent alone is also important. Do not pity him for each other.
Each other to spend time as each of you want. For example, you came home from work, defeating a bunch of this work, traffic jams. All you want is to take a bath with foam and lie in it. At least half an hour just to lie in silence. And you will appreciate, if a loved one, hearing a short “Fine” in response to the question “How are you?”will give you these half an hour with itself. You will appreciate it for sure. And he, too, — if you not would, for example, to speak “come off already from its Facebook!”and give him quietly to surf the social network. Or read a book. Or to be silent if you want to be silent or to read right now.
Take care of each other
Pity each other. Do not taunt, even if now you are angry and think that he deserved it. Or do you think there’s nothing wrong with an innocent hairpin: you know this man like no other, and a sarcastic phrase can get into a sore point. No need to hurt loved ones — because they really hurt.